HALFWAY MARK ┃ED NURSE RESIDENCY

Hello all! I know it has been a long time since I have uploaded a post. I have not been in the best head space lately and had no motivation. I also had a concussion because I am so clumsy… Anyway I’m back with an update because my Adult ER Nurse Residency program (well the class portion at least) is halfway over. The entire program is technically two years… Keep reading if you are curious about my thoughts…

Well, I guess I’ll start off with how I am feeling. Honestly, I’m not feeling too well. This is the first time I have actually been overwhelmed in my life. I’m not sure if it’s just my low self esteem, but each shift I am struggling to take on the lead role as the primary RN. My preceptor noticed it and said it seems like I’m afraid to be right but I know my stuff. Weird…Hopefully I can get my stuff together. I feel like I am dragging behind and I don’t belong here…

I am of course still kind of bummed, but I’m trying to find some sort of light. I’m pretty convinced this job is not my passion because I don’t really feel any joy when doing it. I feel dead inside while working and I feel like I am going through the motions. I know this is a bad habit, but I’ve observed other Nurse Residents in my cohort and they seem like gushing with enthusiasm/passion for the job. I am conpletely indifferent….The trauma bay does interest me a little but I think I’m too dumb for it…

I actually ended up being called into my manager’s office. One of the charge nurses reported that I don’t seem happy. I was honest and told my boss it is the truth. She told me I was boxing myself in by only trying to work with pediatrics and said “That is the problem with you people who want to work with Peds or Womens… She also told me there will be other opportunities in the future (I have no idea what that means, nor am I holding my breath).

I enjoy the pace of the ED and that is about it I guess. I will admit that thoughts of “Maybe sixteen-year-old me worked to hard to get here and it was all in vain” have flooded my mind. I cry almost every shift in my car before work and I am not a crier. I feel so defeated like I worked so hard ot graduate debt-free at twenty and hoepfully be proud of myself. In reality I feel ashamed to be a nurse… All in all, I am just trying to stay afloat… My only hope is that I can continue to make money to save and do the smart thing with it so nursing can become a part-time thing for me in a few years. I just feel like I don’t belong…

Thanks for reading,

6 thoughts on “HALFWAY MARK ┃ED NURSE RESIDENCY

  1. I just started my last semester of nursing school and impostor syndrome is real. We didn’t do clinical rotations in Term 7 b/c of the pandemic and I feel like everyone else has way more experience than I do because they had jobs in health care. I haven’t been in the best mood lately either and my stress levels are very high right now. You are lucky to finished undergrad! Perhaps it’s the type of work you aren’t enjoying. Personally I could not work in ED or in pediatrics after a horrible experience I had last year. I didn’t graduate with my cohort and feel very behind in life which sucks.

    What kind of residency exactly? Are you getting your masters? Working on becoming a nurse practitioner?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Don’t feel discouraged! This pandemic has thrown everyone for a loop. There are plenty of great nurses who did not work in healthcare prior! I am currently in an Adult ED Nurse Residency at a Level 1 Trauma center. It is simply a tough place for a new grad to work and will take some time . I have no desire to obtain a masters in nursing or pursue an NP. Power to those who do though! Thanks for reading!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. There are nursing students who are in ED for final practicum (undergrad) and some are in ICU as well. I didn’t sign up for those because I didn’t want the extra pressure on top of the pressure that we already have… I am in acute neurosurgery/neurology which I didn’t sign up for either 😐 but at least it’s med/surg. Also, my preceptor is new so I really don’t know what to expect! I’m starting later than the other students because I’m currently recovering from a sprained ankle.

        That’s interesting that you have residencies there. We don’t have that unless we are in grad school or are working towards becoming a medical doctor/NP. At least you are finding this out now rather than later – you’ve got this!!

        Like

      2. Is new grad nurse residency where they assign you to a preceptor for a period of time to adjust to life as a new RN? I am praying that the neuro unit isn’t too stressful. From what I’ve heard, it’s pretty intense.

        Liked by 1 person

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