I HATE BEING A NURSE

Well, I said it and there is no going back. I knew this was going to happen but at this moment healthcare is not my life and I like only going to work three days a week. I am also hoping I can end up in a specialty I enjoy…

The thoughts in this post do not reflect or represent the entirety of nursing. These thoughts are simply shared as a way to document my journey in nursing.

I hate being a nurse and it’s starting to show. You’re treated like crap. Patients talk to you any kind of way. I don’t feel like I’m using my brain at all. Many times I go to work I am reminded that you don’t have to think to be a nurse in some cases you just follow orders mindlessly. I mean seriously, why do I need an order to check a blood sugar? That’s ridiculous.

I feel bored (probably because of COVID) and I don’t feel like I am helping anyone. I am not an ushy-gushy personality and honestly I don’t really feel sorry for anyone. I came to another realization the other day while talking with one of the techs who is on track for PA school. I enjoy physiology more than anything that was my jam in school. Just haven’t really been able to use it… I feel stiffled.

I am tired of patients and their visitor treating me like crap because I am petite. I actually have been told to my face that they don’t think I know what I’m doing because I look young. (Jokes on me because I “just” turned 21 but anyway…) I am tired of feeling humiliated. I feel like I have not learned anything in the past fifteen weeks.

I am also tired of the techs and secretaries at work trying to orient me. No offense I appreciate CNAs and all but I’m going to kindly ask you to leave me alone. If you see I am irritated do not try and talk to me. If my preceptor is speaking don’t butt in and for heaven’s sake don’t think you can kick around a new grad. I have worked in this hospital in many roles for a while, I may be dumb but I’m not ignorant… I’m fed up. Nothing works it takes 2 hours to get a temp on a patient because we have no thermometers, we have no travel monitors and our supplies are never restocked.

I am ashamed to be a nurse… I feel no pride to tell people what I do for a living and I honestly try to hide it. This isn’t a new feeling for me though I felt the same way as a nursing student. Always tried to hide it because I felt embarrassed to be part of a false profession. I’m happier away from work than at work. My family doesn’t understand and they call me ungrateful which doesn’t help my mental health at all. I don’t burden them with my work stuff, but they sense my unhappiness and tell me I should be grateful I have a job and blah blah blah. Honestly I was happier as a broke college student working at a nonprofit…

My hope is one day I can make this nursing thing work FOR ME. One day I want to work with a patient population I enjoy. Sadly I’ll have to wait until 2022 to be able to pick up a PRN position elsewhere. Working in the Adult ED is a mere necessity in the hopes I can take this experience elsewhere. I can’t wait. I hate when patients ask me if I enjoy the job I just reply “I can’t complain right now”. I mean how unprofessional would it be to say No, I hate it here and I’m only starting my two year contract (more like two year sentence).

Since day one I literally imagine the day I leave this place. Not to mention I received official notice that I will be swinging BACK to day shift until next year. I have talked to multiple people about staying on nights for the past month because my mental health SUCKS on day shift and it is being completely disregarded. I prefer working at nights because I don’t feel like my life is being consumed. Not to mention I can’t sleep before day shifts becasue I feel so sick to my stomach. I HATE MY JOB. This job takes me back to a dark time and I am not a fan.

Although there are aspects of nursing I enjoy, I can’t help but feel that I’m meant to do something “more”. I just can’t put my finger on it. I’ve thought about some ideas but it scares me… I am overall discouraged.

2 thoughts on “I HATE BEING A NURSE

  1. This is so honest and relatable. It’s really sad that so many new-grads (including me) feel this way. It feels like it’s hard to get out of nursing bc I put so so much effort and money to get here in the first place. Now that I’m traveling, my hate for the job has gotten better, because at least I’m being fairly compensated and not having to deal w management and unit politics as much. Thank you for sharing and I hope you are doing well! 🙂

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