I’m Not Proud of Myself

Hello all! This post is going to be very quick. This is in no way a grasp for attention, but I wanted to share some thoughts as my “graduation” date approaches.

Well, “graduation” is next week. During this last semester of nursing school, I have spent a lot of time reflecting on m journey. I remember freshman year like it was yesterday. Honestly, I still remember preschool. 😂 I moved into my first college dorm on my 17th birthday and started nursing school days after my 19th birthday. I really enjoyed my prerequisites, internship at a medical school, nurse externship, volunteering with Child Life and my jobs (changed jobs last summer). Despite these positive aspects of the past four years, I have hated my nursing education. A bunch of fluff, barely any science, mediocre classroom instructors and stuck-up classmates…

I was always embarrased to admit I was in nursing school and cringed anytime someone asked me if I was in school. Now after my whole debacle with turning down my ‘dream’ nursing job, I cringe even more when telling people that I will be an Adult Emergency nurse (assuming my position still exists with this pandemic going on). Everyone close to me knows how much I adore peds. After all, all of my job and volunteer experience, aside from my current position as a Monitor Tech were spent with the pediatric population. Many of these experiences including part of my nurse externship were spent on the peds floor that I recieved an offer from. Unfortunately, I am too practical to ignore red flags during interviews and during my experiences as a student and volunteer on that floor. I can’t stand adult care and honestly I am not a big fan of geriatric patients. I am just praying I can put on a brave face, obtain certifications and tough it out for the minimum two years.

All the planning in high school to graduate early and pay for college. All the studying, time spent trying to gain experience in pediatrics, all the hassel to submit nurse residency applications… All this just to become the nurse I never wanted to become. I feel I am too dumb (and not to mention small) for Adult Emerency Nursing. I am scared for my back, I am scared of not being capable. I am not proud of myself…

Oh well, life goes on and I need to start figuring out a plan to study for NLCEX. Although my mind is restless and I am disappointed, I am at peace. Here is to my last few days as a nursing student!!!



7 thoughts on “I’m Not Proud of Myself

  1. You will learn so much in the ED! Plus you will see so many different populations to become a really well-rounded nurse. I started in a specialty I didn’t like due to my location and the lack of availability of new grad jobs, and on top of it the manager ended up being horrid and accused me of things I did not do. It is 100% worth it to turn down a job if you question management at all. Since starting in the specialty I didn’t like I have switched to the specialty of my choice. The great thing about nursing is the ability to switch specialties! This does not define you and your career, but a starting point. I am excited for you to be able to end the torture of school and begin your nursing career! You will be able to go anywhere you want with ED experience. Congratulations and best of luck with your next adventure!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow! In my area the Pediatric Emergency was not providing a new graduate residency, but I definetly have hopes. I am nervous, but looking forward to the ER (in a weird way). I know it will never be a dull moment. Thanks for reading!


  2. I’m sorry about your experience. I have faith that you will be an AMAZING nurse. ER is a great place to learn and see a lot of things. The good thing about nursing is you can do and move into so many aspects of the field. I know this might not mean much right now but it’s something I think about. If I were to ever get burnt out of where I am at I can always go somewhere else whether it’s hands on care or continuing education to move to a classroom or higher practice. I wish you the best of luck on your NCLEX!!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Absolutely! As soon as I accepeted the position, I made a “plan” to take advantage of the great continuing education options the ER has to offer. I also made a plan to be able to split my time in between two specialities. I’ve also thought about swiching careers, but who knows where life may lead? Thanks for reading!

      Liked by 1 person

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