Hello all! Today I wanted to discuss what I think my hardest course this semester is. This is a pretty real post, I really poured my proverbial heart out, so I hope you all like it! If you would like to know my current course load, you can check it out here.
My hardest course this semester is: Speech Recitation. Despite juggling two tough science courses, my mind cannot grasp the concept of public speaking. I find this quite embarrassing, because I have done a lot of public speaking in the past and I still “suck” at speaking. For some reason standing in front of a group of people psychs me out, because I can tell people hate it when I speak. My professor(a Theater major & owns a theater, which really scares me), has already made note that I do not have energy when speaking and I lack tonal variation. That is simply a nicer way of saying “hey you are boring.”
Sometimes in Speech Recitation when my fellow class mates are completing speech activities and I feel so discouraged. I feel intimidated and helpless. I think maybe observing them may be my downfall; however, I cannot emulate another’s personality in my speeches. Some people’s personalities are funny, quirky, and entertaining. I on the other hand am very dry. I can’t make people laugh unless its at my misfortune and to make matters worse I struggle to project my voice.
A couple weeks ago, my professor made each of us stand in front of the class and practice pitch, tone, etc. When it was my turn to go, I was extremely frustrated. My professor kept telling me to slow down, add more energy and PROJECT. I did my best, but at the end my throat was fried from trying to project and my self esteem sunk even lower. My professor kept telling me to visualize a wall and try to speak over it and I tried and tried, but I couldn’t and it was very humiliating to hear the disappointment as she said “You can’t see it can you?” and I had to reply “No.” After class, I had to run back to my dorm room and have a mental breakdown on the phone with my mom.
At this point I am struggling to stay positive and I feel embarrassed. My class ended up finding out that I am the youngest sophomore there (Early high school graduation at 16 still haunts me…) and I feel like this course makes me look extremely immature. I think it is very strange though I recognize that I lost my “voice” since coming to this class; however, whenever I am doing extracurriculars/business I am much better…
Our second speech is coming up soon, and we have to make a visual aid. I will definitely write a post to share my visual aid with you all (if I decide to make what I have in mind), because some of you may/may not know I love crafting! I love doing craft projects, DIYs, etc, but school has placed that on the back burner.
Once again as always thanks for the support! Some of you have really been a great encouragement to me as I push through what seems like the sophomore blues. 🙂
I look forward to sharing more of my journey with you all!