Well, I am officially a senior… I took my last final today for Med-Surg I and did okay. I wish I would have done two points better, but at this point I don’t care. I thought I had done really well in the class, then we received an email saying that the grade calculation sheet we were given is wrong. So I missed a pretty solid grade by 1 point. I cried. I won’t even lie. I put so much into this semester to get okay grades, but I learned so much and felt so much more competent in clinical. I can break down the content and apply in clinical, but suck at tests.
I know grades are not that important, but it does sting when you are always a couple of points or 1 point from a letter grade. I also just struggled this semester with imposter syndrome, a lot…I felt like I am the dumbest person in the cohort because I don’t just study the night before tests and get As and brag about it. I am so confused because I can answer my classmate’s questions, and perform/apply in clinical, but can’t even ace a test. Needless to say, I am defeated, burnt out and I feel worthless…I’m over it. My mother was concerned I hit compassion fatigue. My family keeps telling me I should be proud of my performance this semester, but for some reason I don’t feel proud of myself. I feel like I’m never good enough…(gotta love nursing school🙄) Despite all these feelings, I am not completely down because I know nursing school just gives you the foundation and my future employer (which is my employer for externship) does not care about GPAs.
I’ll be taking a little break from posting on the blog until externship starts in about a week, because I want to document that. Let my one week of summer begin.