I’m Alive…

Hello all.

I know I haven’t posted on here in a while, but life got crazy after externship. I am halfway though my first semester of my senior year of nursing school. Let’s just say it hasn’t been the best semester for me personally. I’ve been in a weird funk lately and it seems like everything is going wrong.

In my area the local health system requires to apply for jobs very far out in advance. For nurses everyone is required to complete a residency, which I was goin to apply for. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it on the blog, but I’ll go ahead since it doesn’t seem like it will ever happen…My goal hopefully land a job in pediatrics (Peds ER/ICU). The places take new graduates. One night I was preparing my application online and my computer screen went out. I ended up not submitting an application quick enough for a peds residency. After many tears, I applied to peds emergency. Well, my application was rejected.

This may not sound like a big deal, but due to the current situation and the fact that I refuse to apply to a med-surg unit, I will not be able to apply for a job until October 2020. I’ll be honest, it hurts. I’m frustrated with myself because I really wanted to start working in July. I was hoping this process would be a small beam of hope, but that voice in the back of my head knew I wouldn’t get in. This may sound really foolish, but I really wanted my first nursing job at 20, just to prove to myself that I can accomplish something.Now I have no idea what I will do with 6 months or so of “free time” on my hands. I already struggle if I’m not busy…

Anyways, this semester hasn’t been the best for me. I’m usually a strong person but I’m falling apart emotionally, my workouts in the gym haven’t been great, my self confidence is pretty low and I’m feeling “sluggish”. I’ve been beating myself up pretty bad at my new job because I always feel like people are judging me because I look young and feel clumsy and stupid. I also have been wondering if I’m even on the right path…

Just being honest and sharing this step in my journey. I’m hoping to start pumping out posts soon once I’m in a better space (starting off with a proper life update). Hopefully soon….

From a defeated nursing student,

Anna

P.S If you are thinking about nursing, don’t let this scare you! I’m just being vulnerable something I never do in real life…